Well Inside

Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Tell her she can stop shaking. Tell her she's not alone, although all evidence to the contrary. She's not alone in the room maybe, but she's at the bottom of a well too, and she's alone down there. How is it that everyone doesn't walk around with a well inside them also?

Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Your organs won't fall out, the people meant to stay won't leave. Tell her she doesn't have to burn like a candle in a windstorm. Tell her she can be a pillar in a still room. Tell her it's okay to be scared and not recognize herself. Tell her she's still worthy of respect and love. Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Tell her she doesn't have to burn herself out to be loved. Tell her, even thought there's no reason for her to believe you.

Tell her that the whole life she lived that came before this isn't a lie, even though . . . it's not that she doesn't believe you, and it doesn't feel like a lie, I just . . . I remember it less and less. I'm losing me as a new me hatches from my place and it's disconcerting. Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Tell her she's allowed to grow, she's allowed to cast off lines. Tell her, but don't let anyone else hear. Tell her she's going into the world alone, with no one next to her to give her any answers or teach her how to not make mistakes. Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Think she'll believe you? Think she'll move forward anyway? Think she'll be totally alone like she fears? Think she can help it? Tell her everything's gonna be fine. Tell her invisibility and distance might have their benefits. 

Tell her maybe it won't be so bad.

Tell her body – CALM.

Tell her body – keep breathing.

Listen to your skin say Don't forget about me.

Don't be scared, don't be scared, don't be scared.

Impossible.

Unrealistic.

What should I tell my body instead?

I am a hummingbird inside you?

I don't know what anyone wants from me and I know what everyone wants from me and I don't know where to land. 

I seek friendly ground, but it's just quicksand on this day, in this earth, in this tower.

This came out when I gave my body a voice inside Body Writers, my somatic writing and healing circle. Learn to give your body a voice here.