Like Northern Lad

If you could only see the way he loves me. Would we call it love? We will for these purposes. Why the aversion to owning something as 'love'? To calling something love, or calling the imperfect way someone was with me 'love'? Is it because love has become a barbed wire? Is it because for so many years, love was the thing I had to protect myself from to be safe? Other people's damage, trauma, bad intentions and lazy presences that they called 'love'?

If you could only see the way he loves me. He loves me in a way that makes me not of myself. He loves me in a way where I am nothing but particles dissolving in the air. Grown up me would call it dissociation, but younger me isn't so sure. He loves me like he's not even here - just darkness and air swallowing me from all sides. He loves me like twinkle lights and fire in a glass jar not meant to hold heat. Splinter incoming. He loves me like arms that end at the wrist. No hands like no face and no mouth, except I can still feel all those things. He loves me like I can't see any detail in this room and I'll never forget this room. He loves me like I'll never remember this cab either, or the horns blaring or the blue white quality of the light. He loves me like lights I don't want to turn on. He loves me like crushed flowers in a glass; I love him like Tori Amos's Northern Lad.

I love him like that old, dial, rotary phone in the kitchen, ringing close to midnight. I love him like how starry the night is when I get in my car, that's really my sister's car, that's really my parents' car. I love him like tomorrow we'll both pretend this never happened, with at least one of us knowing that's going to hurt me a lot more than it does him.

This came out when I gave my body a voice inside Body Writers, my somatic writing and healing circle. Learn to give your body a voice here.

Certified Integrative Somatic Trauma Therapy Coach, INFJ Empath, Somatic Writing Coach For Deeply Sensitive Womxn

I help deeply sensitive womxn resolve somatic trauma and come home to their bodies through writing. The work we do together centers self-exploratory writing that gives voice to what your body holds. I have a gift for intuitively guiding you into this practice. And we do this through a safe, trauma-informed approach so you never have to be afraid of what you’ll find.

Let's start your journey for peace inside your body.

Explore The Body Story Experience

Well Inside

Like Northern Lad

Yellow Fragile Tremulous

Pincushion

Bed of Roses

WANT TO WRITE THE
STORY YOUR BODY HOLDS?

Join us for Somatic Story Immersion

This 3 month group program is intimate and generative; it will help you find your story in your body and heal through writing it. This journey is not about perfection; it's about dropping into your body and telling your story your way for emotional healing, creative resuscitation and deep reclamation.